My weakness is....

Well here we are. The end of September 2011, a lot has happened this year. I've become a mom, I'm trying to write my Master's Thesis, I'm trying to be a wife, a house cleaner, and a teacher all at the same time. My goodness, I'm starting to feel like I'm running in place and not getting anywhere.

I've had so much on my mind in the last few weeks, which has taken such a toll on my body.

I've got a student, such a wonderful person, and I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do for her. Which I just don't know what to do, she's got so much baggage and she's got such a learning disability that I just can't help her through any of it. IT SUCKS. I'm so used to being able to help with anything I can that not being able to help her is killing me.

I'm trying to work on my thesis, which is the culminating factor in everything I've worked on for the last 25 years....and I just don't understand what I'm doing. Every time I feel like i have a grasp on how to write it I can't get it out----and it is due by Thanksgiving.

I feel like I'm not spending enough time with Audrey at all, when I do get home I just wanna get stuff done but I want to be with her too. I've also figured out that I haven't spent one hour alone by myself without anyone since she was born and I kind of would like that but it probably isn't going to happen.

I just feel like I'm running no where, and fast. What to do. What to do.

I've also been following MASON DEAN in the PRAYERS FOR MASON blog and it really its getting to me as well, I really hope that the little fighter he is pulls through.

Travels

Well, I had a wonderful relaxing weekend. Got to spend time with the family, which is always special but hard to go. I wish that I had one of those jobs that I could just pick up and move---it doesn't work that way. On the ride up, I was able to spend a lot of time thinking and sorting things out, which was so helpful for me.

I was also able to narrow down my thesis---thanks to the help of my wonderful cousin and best friend. I will be doing a literature review on experiential learning theory, John Dewey and David Kolb and how NCLB runs the other way. Which ought to be interesting, I hope. It just makes me nervous to be writing something like this, I never thought of myself as a writer but I guess I have to be.

While traveling I was jamming out to my Ipod and found a few songs that really, really describe things right now. One that really sticks out to me is Papa Roach's song, Scars. The lines in that song that describe me so well is "my weakness is that I care to much, my scars remind us that the past is real...." I think I really do care to much, about everything. I put so much effort into everyone else I barely make time for me, which is hard. I spend so many hours a day thinking about my students, and how to make life better for them that I don't make like better for me--I run myself ragged. I just hope that one day, all this work pays itself off.

Well it's time for another work week, watching 9/11 tributes makes me think about how much the world has changed. Just far to much to think about. Hope everyone has a wonderful week!!!!

To Begin.

Well where to start. I'm writing this blog to not only talk about my career, but what I learn everyday from everyone around me. Each day I find that I come home and reflect. I'm hoping to reflect on how a yougn teacher feels and ways for others to cope. Well, that's all for tonight. More to come.